tbi

where ATTENTION goes, ENERGY flows | travel musings

This is one the many source-unknown truths I've heard over the years, and like most truths, their meaning, depth, and symbolism not only shape & morph & change & grow & evolve & deepen with practice {meditation, yoga, capital Y yoga, journaling, mindfulness, etc} ...

But so do YOU. In relationship to said wisdom, in relationship to your body/mind/heart/spirit/soul, in relationship to others, in relationship to life.

where did this come from

I love remembering the very early days on my {now consciously, eternal} Yoga practice. Makes for delicious reflections, as well as enriches, solidifies and clarifies the evolution and growth of this thing we call life. Life lived, on purpose, with purpose, that is. Our embodiment of it all. 

I remember when I saw a pretty picture of this quote on Pinerest, or something like it.

In fact, literally, right this moment, I went to Pinterest to see if I could find it again. This one immediately, visually, triggered a memory:

I say visually, because I remember the soft pastel colours, the dreamy vibe of it. But, the funny thing is, that as you can see, I did not actually remember the words. At least not exactly. I remembered the essence of them, and how they got integrated into my experience, how they made sense in my brain, and likely how they could show up most powerfully as a practice ... for ME. 

In some cases, like a mantra or defined quote, yes, it is best to honour the original "quoted" words. But this one is definitely in the 'no one knows who said it' category. So, in my humble opinion it's kinda open source?! And, in full disclosure, if you practice with me, I can rarely get through a reading or poem without ad-libbing and/or kate-i-fying. It has to feel fully aligned for me, within me, in order to share. 

What matters, is how it feels in YOUR body. In YOUR experience. And how it can have the most powerful effect on the way you experience your body/mind/heart/soul/spirit, and life. 

I love looking back through the lens of pulling even more clarity and insight forward. And when we choose the 'right' anchor point to look back at, and look forward from, it gives a wonderful sense of progression, progress, possibility, growth, learning, and wisdom which can then be a catalyst for more going forward.

breaking it down

This is my working hypothesis around the growth process of embodying wisdom. It is also a work in progress.

First thought:

- oh, that's pretty (referring to the image, photograph or artwork the words laid upon)

Second thought:

- those words sound nice, that's pretty

- so "I'm" having a positive reaction to what I'm receiving. Cool.

- which then morphs into, okay, ya, that makes sense. Logical mind is trying to figure out its validity, it's 'what's in it for me (wiifm)', its value, its merit in MY life, whether it is worth committing to memory (or god help me, try) & if I think it's justified etc etc

- this evolves into awareness around how these words make me feel. Conscious awareness. Beyond the 'my eyes like how pretty it is & my ears like how pretty that sounds', now my heart, emotional body and sensory body, maybe even energetic & spiritual body is coming online, and feeling the vibratory resonance of this truth. Even writing those words now, I can appreciate where my mind & awareness was those many years ago, & how I would immediately discount this as woohoo; I just couldn't grasp, relate, logically understand & had never felt it or experienced it = discomfort = mind dismisses it.

- But when it's explored w curiosity, experienced thru applied & embodied practice & life lived, integration begins. This could be through many forms of mindfulness & inquiry & contemplation: in meditation, in yoga (say, as an intention, theme for your practice), in writing/journaling, thru daily life off-the-cushion as an informal mindfulness type practice.

I explored this is my yoga class yesterday. Then throughout the day. Then again in my meditation practice this morning. A lot of musings and awareness emerged.

Such as::

{the TYPE of attention = the TYPE of energy}

... to be continued.

Ughhh gotta get off the screen. Spoons be drained. 

Can't wait to continue this one. Stay tuned! Share your feels, your thoughts! 

xo k

i'm goin' METTA

m e t t a  { मैत्री }
compassion & loving Kindness

A concept, a theory. Until you practice cultivating it in your own life {metta bhavana}.

practice

Practice when things are groovy, yes, because this builds the pathways, the comfort, the familiarity, the strength. But especially practice when you're triggered, outside the sweet spot, low on reserves, overwhelmed, short a few {or many} spoons, in pain, not kind, brain/mind in hijack mode,  ________, or all of the above.

You get the idea, right!?

Ironically ... or perhaps not so ironically ... as I sat in training all about loving your brain & offering yoga + meditation to humans who have survived brain injury + their caretakers, I am struggling. I am struggling with loving my own brain. 

I am NOT in my sweet spot.

off centre

Long flights & delays.
Late nights, way past m'bedtime.
Poor sleep + not enough of it.
High elevation likely contributing to existing headaches.
High stimulation/noisy event night before training.
And a teaching pace that is way too fast for me to keep up, capture, and absorb.

Compounded by my deep interest, passion, bordering on divine obsession / devotion to the material, the topic, the application, and the sharing + teaching of said topic.

Double irony, is that as I sat there, ebb & flowin' in and out of hating my brain. It was also bringing back memories of my first YTT aka struggling with a sense of progress. Minimizing my healing. My progress.

Then, taking a deep breath. Intentionally loving my brain.

Then, oops, I trip back down the brain hatin' hole.

Then, "ok - I got this", back up again.

Riding the waves.

All this happening somewhat unconsciously, but also intentional noticing and coming back. Choosing again. Practicing deep mindfulness & loving kindness. This is mindfulness. Notice. Celebrate the noticing. Choose again. This is also loving kindness. When we show up in this practice without judgment, with love, with kindness, with curiosity.

So, ya.

Eternal work in progress. Devoted student of life. Devoted student in service to the very thing that took me down, lifted me up, tripped me up, and landed me on this path. Devoted. Embodying what I learn, what I know to be true, what I teach, what Ishare.

at the end of the day

I journaled a lot of this during the flare. During the trigger. I felt the feels. Processed them. Digested them to see what they had to say, teach me, show me, where they were trying to grow me. 

I gave my brain rest. Quiet. Stillness. Did I want to spend the entirety of the break connecting, asking questions, swapping stories, sharing plans and dreams and visions, learning about their paths. Hells ya. 

Is that what I needed to show up for what was at the heart of my presence here in the first place? Why was I here? What is my intention? 

the end of the day, let me tell you ... to be continued ...

wahe guru | reflections on life with a brain injury

A dedication to one of my { wahe guru } moments, gifts on this journey, in this body. 

I was fortunate enough to watch Concussion on the plane from Toronto to Columbia, on route to Ecuador. Flood with emotion, I allowed the tears to flow liberally. To feel all the feels. In some ways, it was similar to watching Crash Reel, but quite different. Thank you courageous souls, who creating these offerings & brought them into the world to help us expand, to grow, to heal, to prevent, to CHOOSE more consciously.

As the film unfolded, I madly began writing, part transcription, part reflection, divine downloading.

One of the lines that that stuck out was, "There are some things you can't un-know." Truths. Kinda beyond fact. Which is often why those hiding truths don't want you to know in the first place. Protecting you, but also protecting them, from the fact that they too went from not knowing to knowing.

Concussion, CTE, was to the NFL, NHL, and other head contact sports what smoking was to doctors decades earlier. We didn't know, we didn't fully understand or realize, and then we did. Yet when power, ego & the almighty dolla' dollar bills rule the show, a lot is at stake. 

Much like our understanding of the brain, of what we now refer to as Neuroplasticity. The book in my hand here is Norman Doidge's most recent, "The Brain's Way of Healing." Norman has been interviewed countless times on his findings, discoveries, and cutting edge facts, now truths. Many question. Many doubt. Many want to hold onto the comfort of what used to be 'true'. Even science is not perfect, not final, not stuck. We are always growing, expanding, evolving. The challenge is whether we can remain open to this. To not let ourselves get in our own way. In a way, to not let our minds or even our brains, hold us, stagnate us, keep us stuck. 

WAHE GURU.

That force which draws us from darkness to light, and the bliss/wow that we feel when we move into awareness, conscious living, intentional being. Being open to growth & expansion. For the greater good, which isn't always easy or financially pleasing, or even pleasing.

Peace & Possibility guide me... 

this post is a WIP { work in progress } stay tuned for more ... xo