i'm goin' METTA

m e t t a  { मैत्री }
compassion & loving Kindness

A concept, a theory. Until you practice cultivating it in your own life {metta bhavana}.

practice

Practice when things are groovy, yes, because this builds the pathways, the comfort, the familiarity, the strength. But especially practice when you're triggered, outside the sweet spot, low on reserves, overwhelmed, short a few {or many} spoons, in pain, not kind, brain/mind in hijack mode,  ________, or all of the above.

You get the idea, right!?

Ironically ... or perhaps not so ironically ... as I sat in training all about loving your brain & offering yoga + meditation to humans who have survived brain injury + their caretakers, I am struggling. I am struggling with loving my own brain. 

I am NOT in my sweet spot.

off centre

Long flights & delays.
Late nights, way past m'bedtime.
Poor sleep + not enough of it.
High elevation likely contributing to existing headaches.
High stimulation/noisy event night before training.
And a teaching pace that is way too fast for me to keep up, capture, and absorb.

Compounded by my deep interest, passion, bordering on divine obsession / devotion to the material, the topic, the application, and the sharing + teaching of said topic.

Double irony, is that as I sat there, ebb & flowin' in and out of hating my brain. It was also bringing back memories of my first YTT aka struggling with a sense of progress. Minimizing my healing. My progress.

Then, taking a deep breath. Intentionally loving my brain.

Then, oops, I trip back down the brain hatin' hole.

Then, "ok - I got this", back up again.

Riding the waves.

All this happening somewhat unconsciously, but also intentional noticing and coming back. Choosing again. Practicing deep mindfulness & loving kindness. This is mindfulness. Notice. Celebrate the noticing. Choose again. This is also loving kindness. When we show up in this practice without judgment, with love, with kindness, with curiosity.

So, ya.

Eternal work in progress. Devoted student of life. Devoted student in service to the very thing that took me down, lifted me up, tripped me up, and landed me on this path. Devoted. Embodying what I learn, what I know to be true, what I teach, what Ishare.

at the end of the day

I journaled a lot of this during the flare. During the trigger. I felt the feels. Processed them. Digested them to see what they had to say, teach me, show me, where they were trying to grow me. 

I gave my brain rest. Quiet. Stillness. Did I want to spend the entirety of the break connecting, asking questions, swapping stories, sharing plans and dreams and visions, learning about their paths. Hells ya. 

Is that what I needed to show up for what was at the heart of my presence here in the first place? Why was I here? What is my intention? 

the end of the day, let me tell you ... to be continued ...