where ATTENTION goes, ENERGY flows | travel musings

This is one the many source-unknown truths I've heard over the years, and like most truths, their meaning, depth, and symbolism not only shape & morph & change & grow & evolve & deepen with practice {meditation, yoga, capital Y yoga, journaling, mindfulness, etc} ...

But so do YOU. In relationship to said wisdom, in relationship to your body/mind/heart/spirit/soul, in relationship to others, in relationship to life.

where did this come from

I love remembering the very early days on my {now consciously, eternal} Yoga practice. Makes for delicious reflections, as well as enriches, solidifies and clarifies the evolution and growth of this thing we call life. Life lived, on purpose, with purpose, that is. Our embodiment of it all. 

I remember when I saw a pretty picture of this quote on Pinerest, or something like it.

In fact, literally, right this moment, I went to Pinterest to see if I could find it again. This one immediately, visually, triggered a memory:

I say visually, because I remember the soft pastel colours, the dreamy vibe of it. But, the funny thing is, that as you can see, I did not actually remember the words. At least not exactly. I remembered the essence of them, and how they got integrated into my experience, how they made sense in my brain, and likely how they could show up most powerfully as a practice ... for ME. 

In some cases, like a mantra or defined quote, yes, it is best to honour the original "quoted" words. But this one is definitely in the 'no one knows who said it' category. So, in my humble opinion it's kinda open source?! And, in full disclosure, if you practice with me, I can rarely get through a reading or poem without ad-libbing and/or kate-i-fying. It has to feel fully aligned for me, within me, in order to share. 

What matters, is how it feels in YOUR body. In YOUR experience. And how it can have the most powerful effect on the way you experience your body/mind/heart/soul/spirit, and life. 

I love looking back through the lens of pulling even more clarity and insight forward. And when we choose the 'right' anchor point to look back at, and look forward from, it gives a wonderful sense of progression, progress, possibility, growth, learning, and wisdom which can then be a catalyst for more going forward.

breaking it down

This is my working hypothesis around the growth process of embodying wisdom. It is also a work in progress.

First thought:

- oh, that's pretty (referring to the image, photograph or artwork the words laid upon)

Second thought:

- those words sound nice, that's pretty

- so "I'm" having a positive reaction to what I'm receiving. Cool.

- which then morphs into, okay, ya, that makes sense. Logical mind is trying to figure out its validity, it's 'what's in it for me (wiifm)', its value, its merit in MY life, whether it is worth committing to memory (or god help me, try) & if I think it's justified etc etc

- this evolves into awareness around how these words make me feel. Conscious awareness. Beyond the 'my eyes like how pretty it is & my ears like how pretty that sounds', now my heart, emotional body and sensory body, maybe even energetic & spiritual body is coming online, and feeling the vibratory resonance of this truth. Even writing those words now, I can appreciate where my mind & awareness was those many years ago, & how I would immediately discount this as woohoo; I just couldn't grasp, relate, logically understand & had never felt it or experienced it = discomfort = mind dismisses it.

- But when it's explored w curiosity, experienced thru applied & embodied practice & life lived, integration begins. This could be through many forms of mindfulness & inquiry & contemplation: in meditation, in yoga (say, as an intention, theme for your practice), in writing/journaling, thru daily life off-the-cushion as an informal mindfulness type practice.

I explored this is my yoga class yesterday. Then throughout the day. Then again in my meditation practice this morning. A lot of musings and awareness emerged.

Such as::

{the TYPE of attention = the TYPE of energy}

... to be continued.

Ughhh gotta get off the screen. Spoons be drained. 

Can't wait to continue this one. Stay tuned! Share your feels, your thoughts! 

xo k

travel musings | part one | 30-day solo journey to BALI

Those minutes on a 16 hour flight, when time stands still. Or it sure as F feels like it. Each moment passing like mud ...

You check your phone, hoping an hour has passed and it's barely been 15 mins since the last time you checked. 

You're sick of watching movies, you're too tired to read, and you've listened to all the music you're in the mood for. 

You already took your sleeping pill & only got 3 hour + barely 4 hour the night before due to a combination of feeling absolute melancholy about leaving & total excitatory anticipation of this epic healing journey ahead) ... oh and switching from cannabis oil back to meds for TBI sleep disorder. 

There's a loud convo going on just behind you through the crack between the seats where your ear is turned + in another language

Someone keeps passing wind, and the stale recycled air blowing on you is a constant reminder of what you're inhaling.

Your neighbour has bad breath (and so do you). ;)

The person in front of you won't turn off their reading light, and you left your eye mask in your other bag that got stowed away. 

For some reason your GF meal got lost in translation when booking through the agent, so you try to eat around what is given but have surely been contaminated when u feel that familiar heavy rock + sharp stabs in your belly. 

Ya, that kind of {16-hour} flight. ;)

So whaddayagonnado? 

THE TOOLKIT

Well, I dug into my toolkit. A combination of mindfulness, yoga, meditation AND gratitude.

Let's be clear:: we sure as F don't have to feel grateful about everything, but, BUT, there is always something to be grateful for. Truly truly truly. I mean it mean it mean it. This is a practice, cultivated over time ... but trust me on this one. 

Now, your mind won't want to practice gratitude. It will want to dwell in the mud. The mud IS important to acknowledge - there's always something there for us to learn, to help us refine our choices in the future. But rolling around in it, just makes you feel dirtier & yuckier & darker. Unless you can completely resolve said mud, it won't do you any good to dwell there for an extended period of time. 

So, acknowledge it, then choose again. 

Gratitude, as they say, turns what we have into enough AND gratitude IS a magnet for miracles. Helping us shift back into Love. 

GRATITUDE

Mmmmm gratitude. Here we go.

Like having practiced yoga in the airport before my first flight.

Like my epic noise cancelling headphones that buy me so much time before headache-ville, population MY BRAIN, becomes unruly and reduces irritation from noisy neighbours.

Like being 5'4 and mobile enough to cross my legs or curl up like a ball in my seat.

Like the high quality neck pillow I was gifted by a sweet soul of a pain doctor that was treating me in Vancouver a few years back.

Like the courage or balls or self-care strength it takes to do yoga in the aisle of the plane even when peeps be giving you all kinds of looks.

Like the sheer gift of being able to do yoga, to fold forward, and any other pose I can fit in the 1 foot wide aisle.

Like the miracle of breath.

Like the capacity to sit and meditate, to lean on the countless hours of practice in more hospitable conditions, and simply be with my breath and my body and the wholeness of my experience exactly as it is, even when I don't feel like it.

Like the blessing of an iPhone to take the stream of random notes that flow out of me, photo document my trip with, listen to music on, and especially text with those I love (god I can't wait to send love notes when I land).

Like the ability to even take a trip like this, to travel for a month to a Mecca of a destination.

BRUTAL & BRILLIANT TEACHERS

It's so easy to get stuck in the seeming brutality of a moment.

The discomfort of it. The hardships. The disappointments.

So many factors. So many variables.

AND ... these are some of the most brutal and brilliant teachers we will ever encounter. Ever come across. Ever have the blessing to greet.

THE POWER TO CHOOSE

Which state of mind would you prefer?

How can you love your brain, your body, your heart, your experience ... with what you've got? 

And can you be okay with where you are and still want more, want different? Later. Next time. Hell ya. 

Can we place as much value and intention on the journey, the process, as we move towards a desired end, as we do on the destination itself.

How do you want to feel? Right now.

What will you do to feel that way?

I'm here. I'm clear. I am continually dedicated ...

To a Life Lived. On Purpose. With Purpose. 
One breath. One moment. One intentional choice at a time. 

xo k

#workinprogress #travelmusings

 

 

the darkness, the light, the cracks, the LOVE

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That is how the light gets in.”
— Leonard Cohen

I could dive into this quote for days. It's like an ocean to me. So many layers to explore. So many depths. It's been part of my song for oh-so-long. Not sure how it found its way to me, after the accident at some point, but so grateful it did. 

I was painting my toes this morning - decided to go full glitter - and then, just looking at them, I smiled and a spark was set. It felt like my feet were in fact glowing ... that something was shining out, from the inside.

Life Lived

I am fascinated by life. By light. By dark. And the more curious I get about it, the more space I cultivate, the more interesting and less scary it is. To keep opening to the universal mystery and unexpectedness and unknownness that we all experience. Differently but the same. How even some of the most simple platitudes and words and truths are so much more nuanced than can ever meet the eye, but must be lived. Lived, and lived with. 

The word, phrase, quote, truth always comes from a deep, lived experience.

It's wholeness speaks to us at a soul level. Our mind and body picks up on the call of it, but it must be absorbed and lived, lived with for a while, maybe forever, to be fully nourished, and transformed by it. It must be processed in the myriad of ways that we're capable of processing. Through different lenses. Lenses being the evolving experience of our being - mind, mood, different days, different moments, different chapters, phases and stages.

Where does your light get in?

It's not an easy thing to grow. Inner light. 

We look outside for it constantly. Light sources, that is. 

Question is ... or perhaps the difference is, are we looking for nourishment, to fuel our inner light? Or, are we being blinded by external sources and letting it cast a shadow on our own? Distracting us from our own?

Both, likely. 

Not necessarily consciously. But if it's not intentional, the way in which we're cultivating light, then it is unconscious or habitual. Now habits aren't all bad. In fact, habits are hugely awesomely important. Intentional habits that is. So we need to check in on our habits, every so often. Because as we grow, they need to grow with us in order to keep being nourishing for this leg of the journey.

Sometimes the balance is off -- inner light cultivating vs. looking outside for sources, which can simply become a source of distraction. Ways to numb out, tune out, or shut out the hard parts of human life. To avoid the hard work, that is wide awake living.

But the hard parts are the growth parts.

So, where does your light get in? Where is it getting in right now? 

AKA

Where are the cracks? The hard parts? The painful parts? The challenging parts? The scary parts. 

Moments of fear, doubt, jealousy, worry, judgment, fight/flee/flight, comparison, overwhelm, discomfort.

Juicy. Hard.

In the book I'm reading, Love Warrior, Glennon uses this notion of just doing "the next right thing, one thing at a time."  

F'n love this. And of course I had to kate-i-fy to make it real for me.

So, in my moments of fear (which is the source of allll those things above), I've been asking myself ... "what is the next loving thing I can do/think/say." One thing at a time. 

The cracks are whispering ... they are light sources. 

And so. I practice. xo

in relationship with FORGIVEness

Hmmmm forgiveness.

A tumultuous relationship we've had, forgiveness and I. 

In some sacred conversations I've been having this week, this word, this thing, kept surfacing as I witnessed this beautiful soul. In fact, it's been surfacing more often then not. Never directly, but as I peer back through the last few months, it's been there.

f o r g i v e n e s s

Of course these conversations, these 'other' people's stories are a mirror for ME to go there. Not sure I fully buy into the notion that everything is a mirror (e.g. what we resent or are most irritated by in others, is in fact a mirror of what we struggle with in ourselves), but it's probably more often true, then we're consciously aware it is. 

We're always receiving opportunities for growth. But our timeline and the Universe's timeline aren't always in sync on a conscious level.

after my TBI

Through these reflections - literally, symbolically, and metaphorically, I realized that it {aka forgiveness} had come up in some healing sessions I sought out after my TBI. At the time, it did not feel like something that held relevance for me {ahem, I see the irony now}.

I didn't think I needed it, 'this wasn't part of my healing process' I'd say to myself, but went along. I suppose, on some level I trusted the truth of it, and the insights + wisdom of this healer.

I don't believe I was consciously resisting forgiveness, I simply didn't think there was anyone or anything needing forgiveness. In the way that this lack of forgiveness was blocking me, or holding me back. Or perhaps I just felt I had far bigger challenges to face + places to focus my energy, my limited 'spoons', my very limited brain power. 

SIDE BAR :: At that specific time, all I wanted to do was go back to work. So fucking bad. It's all I could see, hear, focus on ... on a conscious level. 

The thing is, when we are 'gifted' with a big healing journey aka a massive life crash or rock bottom fall, I've come to realize that it's never just as it seems to the naked eye. It's never 'just' the fall, the break, the injury, the primary cut so to speak. There's always a ripple of secondary and tertiary, and whatever comes after tertiary (LOL) ... that is, if you're ready, open, willing. 

I believe we're all capital H 'here' to grow. Our Soul is always looking for openings. The Universe is always creating them. Sometimes we proactively collaborate with them, sometimes we open just a crack, sometimes we flat out can't/don't/won't listen, and we Fall to our bottom. It is from this solid ground that we have no choice, but to choose. 

always an invitation

It's always an invitation. Never required, per say. 

It'll come back around, that invitation. This life or next, or the next. To "go in", to soften through the layers, to be with and to release some of the fears n hurts that have formed a calcification around our heart, our soul.

We are invited. Always. But never forced. Never forced to see the shit, to be with the shit, to release the shit. Yet, it is through this process, and many only through this process, where we cultivate the capacity to shine it into, alchemize it into, a crystal of clarity, insight, understanding, and into more you, more YOU; a decoding, revealing, releasing, restoring, refuelling.

it's yucky

I didn't care for the taste of it. Forgiveness can feel like a sticky, murky, yucky medicine. A universal theme in human life, one that's hard to live long without bumping up against. Being asked to dance with it, between you and yourself, you and others, you and the world, society, humanity, the Universe, God. 

Instead, it is often repressed or ignored {like I did/do, and to be honest, in reflection of late, I have never been quick to forgive, even as a child, instead grew more fiercely independent - shutting down the vulnerability of it all - and quietly distanced myself physically, but of course energetically the tie remained}.

All with good-ish intention of course. It's a form of unconsciously permitting the anger/sadness/resentment/ _______ to remain as protective fuel, (self)righteousness, or perhaps a way to justify our reaction to the hurt, which becomes the illusion of a safety blanket, safe and warm. I picture myself rocking, self-soothing in my illusion-blanket, softly whispering, 'nnnnnh, don't make me go into those places, not going'.  Sweet ignorance. Head in the sand. Easier. 

heavy bag of poison

Forgiveness asks us to go there and explore the difference between:

The release of forgiveness, the liberation of no longer holding onto and carrying that heavy, unwanted bag of poison, we mistake as helpful, useful, safe.

and

Condoning whatever happened.

I don't believe capital F forgiveness is about condoning or saying what happened was right/fair/ just/understandable/_______. Instead, it's an act of freeing YOURSELF. An act of liberation. And in that act, you also plant a seed in the forgiven. A seed in their soul to learn and grow and heal the suffering too. The suffering that long proceeded the hurt in question.

Through awareness, courage, and choosing to relinquish the space that it was taking up in your being, the space needed to hold onto it, we are freeing up and opening wide to be filled with nourishment - body, mind, heart, soul and/or spirit.
{Yes, it takes up space and time (energetically). And who's got space and time for that shit. Right?!}

what happened

In hindsight, I did do some powerful forgiveness work back then, which created clarity and fluidity in my spiritual spine, in my recovery, in my rebirthing post-TBI. But I realize and I admit, it wasn't a process fully wholeheartedly undertaken.

I have more there to be seen. More to be processed. I feel a willingness arising.

My work, my daily work of capital L love + capital Y yoga, helps. A lot. But F it's work.

And it's always a choice. 

soul meetings. sip me. choice.

It's always a choice. Yes, this choice thing is something I remind myself of often. I speak to often. I weave into classes, workshops, lectures, teachings, often.

Life Lived. On Purpose. With Purpose. Fuels me in ways I can't even describe. A manifesto. A mission. A mantra. An intention. It's all of it. 

So I'm at this divinely special coffee shop in Maui, sipping on my bullet coffee post-Yoga. A gal sits down at the table beside, and pulls a book from her purse. It's "The Artist's Way". I make eye contact, smile, and reach out. Touching the book I say, "Isn't it incredible?" ... "Do you practice Morning Pages?" I ask. To make a long story short, she shares her experience, a common experience I've heard from friends and students about the Morning Pages or Meditation practice {including my own}, an inner dialogue that goes something like, 'Why do I have to do this, this is taking too long, what's the point, what a burden, what a chore, etc.' Almost as if someone else is making us do it, that there is a right way or wrong way, that it's being imposed on us vs. being this delicious gift we GET TO experience, that we have the opportunity to practice and receive. No one 'out there' is making us do it. No one but our SELF.

It's a choice. 

We always have a choice to engage in growth. To practice growth. Physically, emotional, mental, spiritual. There is a time for it. We need rest, pause, refuelling. This is where the kindness, compassion, warmth, patience, and a deep breath come in. BUT. But if you're waiting for it to feel comfortable or timely, you may be waiting an eternity.

Don't wait an eternity.

We're capital H 'here' to grow. Growth is uncomfortably nourishing. By design. 
Ease does follow.

To feel it, we need to cultivate pause and awe within, between, and around the work and between each growth spurt. Be intentional. Be kind. Be gentle.

This is not easy work. 

what's your relationship with forgiveness?

Forgiving Self. Forgiving mistakes, illness, injury, loss, hurts, trauma, pain, suffering, choices.
Forgiving then unknown. Forgiving the unexplainable.
Forgiving others. Forgiving society, humanity, the earth.
Forgiving the Universe. God.

Sometimes one is way harder then another. 

What is your relationship with forgiveness? Start there.

Then see if you can release a poison pill from the fiber of your being. From the soil of your soul. Start where you feel some traction, some flow. Then grow from that place of strength.

Write them all down. Seek out a forgiveness prayer to release.
Speak them.
Burn them after. 

As Trevor Hall says in his song Forgiveness (feat. Luka Lesson), "Forgiveness is giving, so give yourself this gift from time to time."

Forgive everything that has ever happened, life is everything we can imagine laid out in patterns of pain and passion, you cannot control it, so keep your compassion. There are no accidents, there are no factions, there is no ‘us & them’, nothing to borrow or lend, no enemy of friend. And only forgiveness can make that happen. Forgiveness is giving, so give yourself this gift from time to time. Let all of your mistakes, become all of your greatest gifts in disguise. Forgive everything that has ever happened ... Forgive.
— Forgive by Trevor Hall (feat. Luka Lesson)

 

... like most things, this post is a work-in-progress. A meditation musing. To be continued.

May you be fuelled by peace & possibility. Love. Always love. Keep going. One breath. One moment. One intentional choice at a time.

xo

a good life lived

Raw moments can inspire some of our deepest truths. It's like being an archeologist and discovering an incredible dig site. Gifts to be unearthed.

humanity & unexpected kindness

Humanity and unexpected kindness can often surge deep rawness in me. Whether I observe it in passing, am the recipient first-hand, bestow it upon myself, or even watch it on tv or in a movie.

The funny thing is, sometimes when I'm having an extra challenging pain day/week/month I have to dig deeper into my practices ... like mindfulness, like meditation, which brings me more fully into the moments. I see things with an extra clear lens of presence, rawness.

there are gifts in ... everything

Gratitude is one of the foundational aspects of my mindfulness practice because the practice of pausing, noticing, absorbing, and appreciating really wakes us up to the moment we're in. Helps us see what we do have, what we are, who & what each other are. And somehow, although nothing has technically changed, it changes everything. 

After a domino effect of real-life raw moments these past many days, I'm watching Friday Night Lights on Netflix, & one scene really gets to me (happy to share the scene if you're curious). At the core it was about love. It was about faith in each other. It was about trust. It was about a deep knowing that we can get through anything, and that a really good life, fulfillment, is so much simpler then we make it out to be. 

conspiring with life

And this is what got journaled in that moment. I find if I don't conspire with a feeling when it bubbles up, its potency passes. So as often as I can I collaborate - I grab a pen or my phone and I write. 

Here is what I wrote:

I believe it's possible to beat the odds. To overcome what feels impossible. 
I believe that we can survive horrible things, and that we can make it to the other side thriving.

I believe in humanity. In kindness. In the human spirit. 
I believe in peace. In contentment. In the human experience. 

I believe that it's all a lot simpler then we think it is. I believe that we are capable of feeling more and stressing less. 

I believe that you, and me, we, were meant to BE. Right here. And now. Alive. At this time. In exactly this way. And that each of us is here to live this life, on purpose, with purpose. Each of us leaving a you-shaped imprint on the world through every experience, every moment, and every soul graced with your presence.

Miracles happen. You were a miracle the day you were conceived, the day you were born, and nothing has changed ... except everything.

Because you are still here. Breathing. Feeling. Choosing. Being. One moment at a time.

And every time we choose love - a thought, a word, an intention, a choice, an action - grounded in love, inspired by love, in the name of love, we make space for another miracle to be born. And our life, in its living, becomes the miracle. 

I believe this to be true. And so it is. 

deep seeds. deep impact.

This one got planted deep. Deep deep peace. Deep deep contentment. With being. 

Thank you life, for allowing me to conspire with you, collaborate with you, learn from you and with you, through my own life and all those around me and all those who share through their own teachings, livings, and offerings. 

xo

put your soul on the schedule! 2017 planners are here!

The 2017 Desire Map Planner Collection is here {they drop tomorrow August 31st}! This is radically different way to plan your day, week, month ... LIFE ... because it puts your soul on the schedule.

fuel at the core

There's something fuelling  e v e r y t h i n g  we do, everything we want, everything we create ... everything that we invest our most sacred offerings into {our time + attention}. What is that fuel you ask ... ? That fuel is a desire TO FEEL a certain way. 

This planner puts your core desires on the map. It helps you plan your days + weeks according to how you most want to feel; the way it should be.

For me, this is a key element in how I liberate my life. I am most grounded when plan my weeks, start my day, and refine my time + attention as I go.

I've a huge planner person -- so I've tried many. This one really helps in the intentional cultivation of habits that light up your life ... which, as we know, takes beaucoup de practice. This is a keystone in my journey of life lived, on purpose, with purpose.

the desire map

This planner is based around the book that changed my world from the inside out. Change my joy. My freedom. My connection. My wisdom. That book is called The Desire Map, and it was written by a divine soul named Danielle Laporte.

This book is what led me to facilitating the material - using yoga, meditation, h'art as key tools on the journey to unlocking YOUR core desired feelings, which we affectionately refer to as our CDFs.

the 2017 planner possibilities

The 2017 planner comes in two versions:: the DAILY and the WEEKLY edition, depending on your personal vibe around planning. 

DAILY PLANNER
This version is for the highly scheduled, detailed thinkers, who love to keep track of all the big and the little things. This planner takes you through the year, day-by-day, with unique soul prompts to limber up your mind before you write, scheduling space, #Truthbombs, a STOP Doing list (because saying NO is revolutionary, and a super condensed list called 3 Things so you can get your most important to-dos done!

WEEKLY PLANNER
This version is for the big dreams, creatives, and entrepreneurs - the planner-types who want a bird's eye view of their week. Sprinkled with prompts for positive declarations and #Truthbombs, the weekly spread also has space for your CDFs, daily to-do's, and a list of 3 Things so you can get your most important to-do's done! This planner also has an End of Week Check-in with unique Soul Prompts from Danielle and space for refelecting on life as you move through it week-by-week.

what could happen??

When you’re clear on how you want to feel, decisions come to you more easily, you’ll know when to say “No” and when to say “Hell, YES!” And then you can put it in writing. That’s what this planner does for me.

You can buy yours today and start planning the life you’ve always wanted.

GET YOURS NOW

what if I don't know how I WANT TO FEEL?!

Join me at the next DESIRE MAP + YOGA {LEVEL 1} Workshop & Urban Retreat at PranaShanti this coming January 20-22!

Registration is now open! For more information visit katedurie.com/workshops or contact me with questions!

 wanna save a few bucks?

Keep your eyes peeled on social media (Facebook or Instagram) or via my newsletter, as I'll be organizing a 1x DESIRE MAP PLANNER tribe, corralling interest and tapping into my Licensed Facilitator discount for y'all.

This will happen in late October/early November so that we all have our planners for January 1st! Just in time for a brand new year AND just in time for the next DESIRE MAP + YOGA {LEVEL 1} Workshop & Urban Retreat ... as well as the next LEVEL 2 - date/location TBC. Stay tuned.

Or ... GET YOURS NOW

“I am a former achievement junkie. I chased after the “next big thing” for years. The [Desire Map] planner makes me focus on how I feel and prioritize myself. It's shifted me out of constantly seeking approval through achievement and into how I choose to move through the world. In short, it took me off a hamster wheel of constantly doing and let me focus on being.” — Maggie


“I started with the 2015 [Desire Map] Daily Edition: sleek, black, mysterious. A secret voyeuristic journey into the language of my desires. Every day I wrote: Freedom, Abundance, Purpose, Connection, Being. Every day I breathed those words into my being until I became a masterpiece my desires had painted. Now I run my own spiritual business. I don't think I would have had the courage or the clarity to do that unless my desires swallowed me in their crescendo of sound. What gets measured matters, and the Desire Map Planner helped me document the uncharted territory of my soul (dramatic, but true).” — Jennifer

xo

i'm goin' METTA

m e t t a  { मैत्री }
compassion & loving Kindness

A concept, a theory. Until you practice cultivating it in your own life {metta bhavana}.

practice

Practice when things are groovy, yes, because this builds the pathways, the comfort, the familiarity, the strength. But especially practice when you're triggered, outside the sweet spot, low on reserves, overwhelmed, short a few {or many} spoons, in pain, not kind, brain/mind in hijack mode,  ________, or all of the above.

You get the idea, right!?

Ironically ... or perhaps not so ironically ... as I sat in training all about loving your brain & offering yoga + meditation to humans who have survived brain injury + their caretakers, I am struggling. I am struggling with loving my own brain. 

I am NOT in my sweet spot.

off centre

Long flights & delays.
Late nights, way past m'bedtime.
Poor sleep + not enough of it.
High elevation likely contributing to existing headaches.
High stimulation/noisy event night before training.
And a teaching pace that is way too fast for me to keep up, capture, and absorb.

Compounded by my deep interest, passion, bordering on divine obsession / devotion to the material, the topic, the application, and the sharing + teaching of said topic.

Double irony, is that as I sat there, ebb & flowin' in and out of hating my brain. It was also bringing back memories of my first YTT aka struggling with a sense of progress. Minimizing my healing. My progress.

Then, taking a deep breath. Intentionally loving my brain.

Then, oops, I trip back down the brain hatin' hole.

Then, "ok - I got this", back up again.

Riding the waves.

All this happening somewhat unconsciously, but also intentional noticing and coming back. Choosing again. Practicing deep mindfulness & loving kindness. This is mindfulness. Notice. Celebrate the noticing. Choose again. This is also loving kindness. When we show up in this practice without judgment, with love, with kindness, with curiosity.

So, ya.

Eternal work in progress. Devoted student of life. Devoted student in service to the very thing that took me down, lifted me up, tripped me up, and landed me on this path. Devoted. Embodying what I learn, what I know to be true, what I teach, what Ishare.

at the end of the day

I journaled a lot of this during the flare. During the trigger. I felt the feels. Processed them. Digested them to see what they had to say, teach me, show me, where they were trying to grow me. 

I gave my brain rest. Quiet. Stillness. Did I want to spend the entirety of the break connecting, asking questions, swapping stories, sharing plans and dreams and visions, learning about their paths. Hells ya. 

Is that what I needed to show up for what was at the heart of my presence here in the first place? Why was I here? What is my intention? 

the end of the day, let me tell you ... to be continued ...

all we ever wanted. LOVE.

"All we ever wanted,
all we ever needed,
was LOVE." - Lennon & Maisy

Sometimes a song captures me. Just the right moment. Heart wide open. I crawl into the words, the melody, and feel all the feels. It's such an awe-striking experience because you can 'listen to music' and then you can feel music, if you open wide, if you give your full attention & presence (how rare does that feel sometimes), if you breathe purposefully, absorb, and soak in it.

The yoga of listening? The yoga of music? It becomes a spiritual experience in many ways. 

This song brought me to tears. Tears of pure love. Gratitude for being able to access such a feeling. Such a state of being. These young souls sharing such truth - the simplicity and the profound power within this simple truth.

MEDITATION MUSINGS

In meditation, in my moments of stillness, my heart & mind often ponder the relationship between humans & love. Between fear & love. Between pain & love. Between suffering & love.

I ponder why there is so much fear running ramped in the world, instead of love. It simply doesn't make sense, when I truly believe that at the core of even the most angry, violent, power hungry, fear mongering souls out there, is a deep desire to be loved, to give love, and to feel love.  

Perhaps it is BECAUSE love is so powerful that it is scary.

This song downloaded this insight for me. It's not that I didn't 'know this' before, but this morning I listened to this song again, then sat in meditation. Instead of knowing, I felt. This is a deep form of clarity. An inner knowing. A process of giving words meaning. It was like a huge beating, almost choking sensation in my chest. 

Wow, I thought.
Correction.
Wow, I FELT

Love is a beast.

THE WICKED TRUTH 

The wicked delicious truth of love, is the more you open to it, the deeper you feel it, the more vulnerable you are to pain. The most horrific, yet inevitable, example of all is death and loss. The harder, more wholly you love(d), the more loss and death hurts. The more you feel. We only know deep grief because we have that same deep capacity for love. We only know emotional pain and suffering, because we have felt the opposite. Because we ARE the opposite. 

So. Living in love is deeply risky, requires astronomical courage, it is a radical act, it is a powerful form of activism. It asks us to step into vulnerable places and somehow, some way, stay open. When a part of us (sometimes a big part, sometimes small) wants to do just the opposite - to protect, to create a sense of safety, control, comfort. However short term and short sighted.  

But what if that was okay?

Why do we crave this sense of (short term) comfort, this perceived sense of safety and control? What would happen if two souls (or many!) stepped into vulnerable places together, and greeted each other in that space with love, openness, honesty? Felt the fear, named it even, but stayed in love. Sat with the discomfort. Declared it even. But stayed in love. Instead of ducking into the shade 'n shadows of fear.  

I definitely don't have all the answers, but I love-the-heck outta exploring the questions. 

A little meditation musing that had to be shared...

Brave. Bold. Vulnerable. Wholehearted.

In Love, always.
xo kate

desire map + yoga ... the prequil

Let’s be brutally honest, I never EVER thought I would be trading in suits, offices, and 4-inch pumps, for lulu pants, a yoga mat, and flip-flops. Never.

But let’s be clear, The Desire Map isn’t about quitting your day job, blowing up your world, or glorifying entrepreneurial life. It’s about figuring out YOU and how you truly, actually, want to feel. In every area of your life. Then making it happen.

Then making it happen (and this is big), means learning how to generate those feelings through the choices you make on the daily; doing what it takes, to feel that way. On your terms. From the seemingly mundane everyday tasks, to those big luscious, dreamy goals.

THE DRIVING FORCE - a feeling?

Once you’ve gone in, “done the work” {aka LEVEL 1} and know what your Core Desired Feelings are, the shift begins. You start seeing, creating, and aligning meaning + purpose around things you may never have noticed before, completely shifting your relationship with things, people, pursuits, and experiences.

Behind every thought, every word, every action, every goal is a desire to FEEL a certain way. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. And it’s completely unique to you.

WHO IS OLD KATE?

To help you understand why this material is so powerful, I’d like to give you a little peek into “old kate”, through this gift, this lens, we call hindsight. 

I was best described as a workaholic, perfectionist, type A, over achiever. Whatever it was, it was never enough.
Passionate, absolutely. High performance, you bet.
Content, not even close.

Only now can I see that I was on achievement auto-pilot. All pressure and proving. No awareness of what was driving the behaviour. And like any addict, over time it took more and more to get the same “high”, and the highs were less and less fulfilling. Not to mention I barely stopped long enough to acknowledge one.

All my value, my self-worth was tied up in things “out there”, outside of me. I had lost the connection TO ME, the whole me, “in here”.

So, on January 20th, 2011 when I fell down a flight of stairs and suffered a serious Traumatic Brain Injury, I was pretty certain I had lost it all. That it was over. That I was over. Everything I valued was gone. What was left?

For a time, surviving didn’t feel like much of a gift. I was convinced that my life as I knew it was over {side bar: which in a way it was, and thank god! That said, it took me many years to get here, to feel this way}.  

Here’s how I saw it at the time - if I couldn’t do that big job, climb the ranks, build a family, work crazy hours, make the big bucks, volunteer on boards AND do piles of extra curricular activities … I was a waste. I was a failure. I was broken. And what was the point.  

When in fact, I had lost the whole point.

WAKING UP - LIFE LIVED. ON PURPOSE. WITH PURPOSE.

“You have seen my decent. Now watch me rise.” - Rumi

I had to shatter into a million pieces in order to wake-up. That was MY process. I didn’t hear the whisper, the call, or even the scream. I had to literally be smacked up side the head to wake up. 

To make a very long story short, after years of rehab and every therapy you can think of, a lot of which continues to this day, I have been reborn. As me.

Like the caterpillar, I went into a cocoon, turned into goo, and through the miraculous human metamorphosis process. I underwent a massive transformation. Slowly, but surely, growing into my butterfly life.

The process of waking up. The process of designing and building and creating a LIFE LIVED. ON PURPOSE. WITH PURPOSE. Doesn’t actually have a lot to do with becoming someone new. But has everything to do with becoming YOU. It’s more of a remembering, an opening, an allowing, a coming home.

The caterpillar was always destined to become a butterfly. Just as we are destined to grow into who we really are.
It’s just not outlined in a textbook, and the cocoon process for humans doesn’t look quite the same from person to person.

THE DESIRE MAP + YOGA

This magical toolkit began unfolding, in seemingly mysterious ways, over many years. I couldn’t have predicted, prepared for, or even dreamed up how this all unraveled. Life is not a straight line, but man, am I up for the ride.

Between Yoga {capital Y yoga, which includes Meditation and so much more}, h’Art, and The Desire Map I found the clarity I was looking for. The tools I was looking for. I found peace in the process. The Desire Map helped me to unravel the layers, and ultimately to figure out how I most want to feel, to feel the way I most want to feel - in a way that is wholly liberating, nourishing, empowering, and loving.

No more pressure. No more proving. And a whole lot more living.

Today, I am determined to share what I’ve learned, to help others::

1. Prevent the fall / hitting rock bottom (literally or metaphorically), or

2. Navigate their own metamorphosis process, their own rising, their own transformation, at whatever stage they are at, and

3. Feel good in the process! To take your life back.

Together, we will embrace the clarity, truth, and liberation that comes when you tap into the driving force behind all your choices: How you want to feel.

JOIN ME - START THE JOURNEY OF A LIFETIME

Two of the big game changers for me, which are fundamental to The Desire Map process are:: 

  • Feeling good is the whole point. Can you give yourself permission to make feeling good your primary intention?
  • The journey should feel as good as (we hope) the destination will feel. Can you create a soul-nourishing, life-affirming (not soul-depleting) relationship with the pursuit of what you want?

Does this resonate? Does this stir up your mind, heart, body and/or soul at some level, at any level?

If your answer is yes, then I invite you to join me on this journey. The journey of a lifetime. Which, trust me, is elevated to the highest of heights when we go through it together. There is massive power in the collective experience.

Essentially The Desire Map brings living to life.
It unlocks your aliveness.
And is entirely liberating.

I wholeheartedly believe in living. Living life as a verb.
Life lived. On purpose. With Purpose.

At the heart of this, the whole point really, is feeling good.

Fully embodied. Aligning mind & body. Heart & Soul. Whole. Integrated. Resonating. Together.

On breath. One moment. One choice at a time.

This is Yoga after all. A match made in heaven.
What a magical brew.
The choice is up to you. I would be honoured to be your guide!

Check out katedurie.com/workshops for upcoming dates for LEVEL 1 or LEVEL 2. I also run an INTRO workshop to help light the spark to begin your journey.

xo

wahe guru | reflections on life with a brain injury

A dedication to one of my { wahe guru } moments, gifts on this journey, in this body. 

I was fortunate enough to watch Concussion on the plane from Toronto to Columbia, on route to Ecuador. Flood with emotion, I allowed the tears to flow liberally. To feel all the feels. In some ways, it was similar to watching Crash Reel, but quite different. Thank you courageous souls, who creating these offerings & brought them into the world to help us expand, to grow, to heal, to prevent, to CHOOSE more consciously.

As the film unfolded, I madly began writing, part transcription, part reflection, divine downloading.

One of the lines that that stuck out was, "There are some things you can't un-know." Truths. Kinda beyond fact. Which is often why those hiding truths don't want you to know in the first place. Protecting you, but also protecting them, from the fact that they too went from not knowing to knowing.

Concussion, CTE, was to the NFL, NHL, and other head contact sports what smoking was to doctors decades earlier. We didn't know, we didn't fully understand or realize, and then we did. Yet when power, ego & the almighty dolla' dollar bills rule the show, a lot is at stake. 

Much like our understanding of the brain, of what we now refer to as Neuroplasticity. The book in my hand here is Norman Doidge's most recent, "The Brain's Way of Healing." Norman has been interviewed countless times on his findings, discoveries, and cutting edge facts, now truths. Many question. Many doubt. Many want to hold onto the comfort of what used to be 'true'. Even science is not perfect, not final, not stuck. We are always growing, expanding, evolving. The challenge is whether we can remain open to this. To not let ourselves get in our own way. In a way, to not let our minds or even our brains, hold us, stagnate us, keep us stuck. 

WAHE GURU.

That force which draws us from darkness to light, and the bliss/wow that we feel when we move into awareness, conscious living, intentional being. Being open to growth & expansion. For the greater good, which isn't always easy or financially pleasing, or even pleasing.

Peace & Possibility guide me... 

this post is a WIP { work in progress } stay tuned for more ... xo